From Kindergarten until my senior year in High School, I had to raise my hand during class and ask for permission if I wanted to go to the restroom. Permission was often granted by the teacher. The act of asking for permission allows a teacher to have control over our possible disruptive behavior. My parents also required that I ask for permission before taking the car to go do something with my high school friends. Again, my parents wanted to have control over my possible harmful behaviors. I am so glad that I don't need to ask for permission anymore if I need to go to the restroom or go to the grocery store. However, there are times that I need to give myself permission to do certain things. I have habits or routines or even past experiences that have created mental barriers from allowing me to behave in the appropriate or desired way. I need to give myself permission to do what I desire to do. When we find ourselves in a rut or not able to overcome something, it may be that we must give ourselves permission to move on or try something new.
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Unmet expectations are the root of most of our anger, sadness and frustration each day. Upset about a test score? Your reaction is based on your expectation that you would earn a higher grade. Frustrated that your car broke down? Your reaction is based on your expectation that your car will work properly. Having conflict with someone? Your reaction is based on your expectation that the person did not meet? Expectations are random perceptions on how we deem life should be and are based on less facts than we think and involve countless more variables than we ever consider. Expectations are assurances in future events. There are too many variables that are not in our control to expect much in life. Goals are different than expectations. There are no assurances in goals. Goals give us direction. We hope to reach our goals but the understanding is that goals are meant to motivate us and guide us and reaching the goal is a consequence of the previous two priorities. Expectations unmet typically lead to nothing but disappointment so we should set goals and not expectations. (Warning: many have been told throughout their lives to "have high expectations" and "expect more from yourself". Feel free to go with that philosophy if it works for you. My experience has shown that less the .0001% of the world's population performs well under pressure and/or responds to failure in an appropriate manner. Most people respond negatively to unmet expectations because they don't properly evaluate the variables that resulted in the expectation to be unmet and then they don't respond appropriately to the erroneous information they now have in their position).
I have read some verses in the bible over one hundred times and by the hundredth time, I am finally in a place in my life where the verse makes sense and has value to me and I actually retain the verse and change behavior in my life. The fact of the matter is that we are more receptive to hear certain things and value them, at different points in our life. As an athlete, we are constantly inundated with correction by coaches, yet we may not see improvement. One of the first areas we need to address is whether or not we are being receptive to the information or more specifically, what may be in the way of us receiving the correction. When we see value in what we are hearing, we are more likely to receive that information. When we don't see value or find other things more valuable, we are more likely to not receive the information and remain the same.
Try this today: Whenever you find yourself wanting to use the word "Can't", replace it with the phrase "I choose not to". You most likely will find out two realizations about yourself. (1) you will find out what you truly value. We often use "I can't" when we really mean "This isn't of enough value for me to be uncomfortable or to give up something I find more valuable". It's amazing how fast "can't" turns to "can" when enough money is offered. (2) We often use "I can't" when we have already failed at something and we don't want to invest the time and energy to try again ... or again ... or again. When we say "I can't", we already have failed. When we say, "I choose to try", we may still fail but we also open the door for success. Either way, we win as we learn much more from failing than succeeding anyway. The only thing we learn from not trying is how not to try.
"80% of life is just showing up" - Woody Allen. Or "Half of life is just showing up" - Everyone seems to say that. This statement is mostly true in the context of comparing our relative success to others. If I am competing with a group of people, sometimes all I need to do is show up because most of those others won't. Even if they are present in body, they are not present with their mind. However, if we desire to not only "beat" others, but to "be our best", we need to do a lot more than merely show up. We need to be present and put away any distractions. We need to give our complete effort. And then at the end, we need to identify at least one thing (if not many) that we learned that we can apply next time. We may show up and have success in that moment, but we must learn from that experience in order to repeat that success and improve upon it in the future.
Coaches spend a lot of time telling athletes to "Focus". The problem is that most athletes don't know what that instruction actually means. Instead, more time should be spent on encouragement to eliminate distractions. I repeatedly tell students to not study in their dorm rooms. There are too many distractions. Besides the normal college fun that can get in the way, even tasks like laundry are more attractive and tempting when confronted with the chore of studying. I encourage students to go to the library and find a quiet floor/room/corner where no one else will see them and then only bring with them the one or two books that they need to read or the notes they need to study. Eliminating distractions is the first step to focusing. The same advice can be used for many areas in life, including training. Only bring to practice those things that will allow you to be successful at practice and leave all of the other things (school, worries, social life, financial issues, etc) behind in your dorm/apartment/house. They will be there later if you still want them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLT1FdjbaWw
Anger is an emotion. All emotions should be properly managed so that they do not result in improper behavior. Being angry for a long period of time not only eats at our own character and attitude, but pours out into our behavior. Justifying our anger is a natural human behavior. It is very easy to find a reason that our anger is "right". Sure, there are times when we are angry and soon after we quickly identify that we were impatient or "hangry" and then feel bad about that anger. Unfortunately, more time than not, we find a reason that our anger is the right way to react to something or someone. And then that anger leads to incorrect behavior and actions. Identifying our anger and understanding why we are angry will help us to then address the anger and not allow it to lead to improper actions. |
AuthorCOACH. FATHER. HUSBAND. SON OF THE KING. WHITWORTH UNIVERSITY. Archives
November 2023
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